Almost made it

I almost made it through Easter Weekend without grief. Focusing on happy memories of summers past was helpful. But this morning, the Easter egg hunt was filled with mentions of my daughter. You see, she was ALL about the egg hunt. I would scold her for going too fast when her little brother was struggling to find eggs. She would always help him, though. She was a brilliant big sister.

I try to enjoy the memories, smile that Nate recalled his sister’s favourite - Cadbury Easter Cream Eggs. Laugh that he still treasures the ‘purple wishing mini eggs’ that meant so much in our household. He’s gigantic but so young still.

The egg hunt over, standing in the kitchen, the wave hits. I felt the aura a few minutes ago and began puttering around, not sure what to do with myself as I feel my limbs heavy, my eyes stinging. My throat closes. My face flushes. I’ve learned to overcome, but this time I feel weaker. I’m alone, so I let go. The sobbing hurts my throat and my chest. It’s been a while. It feels like days and days of anger and trying to focus on happy memories are coming out in the sobs.

Our old boxer, Delilah, leaves the room. It makes her very nervous when anyone is upset. Poppy, our puppy, doesn’t leave my side: same breed but oh-so-different.

Poor thing is on the floor beside my desk as I write this. I drag her soft bed over so she can rest.