They deserve happiness too

When she posted her messages to me on Twitter, my daughter listed achievements she was proud of. She finished by telling me about a grant she received. She wanted me to take her brother and step-sister for our traditional ‘victory ice-cream’ to celebrate her win. And she said ‘we miss them’.

Um. That’s got to be a joke, right? Sadly, our estranged children think that the only person they’ve harmed is the one they put the bullseye on.

Adult children who estrange themselves from their parent leave a wake of broken relationships that perhaps they don’t intend to lose. My daughter doesn’t seem to realize that her brother and step-sister no longer welcome her in their lives. They have no interest in celebrating her achievements. It is another heartbreak to realize that the damage to the family extends beyond just her and I, but it is what it is. We stopped waiting for her to return, hoping this is just a phase. She has no idea who we are anymore, and her actions have shown all of us that she does not care to. I have not bad-mouthed her in our home, but I have openly grieved. The kids are 14 and 16 and have their own minds. They have experienced her absence of any interest in them, their lives, their milestones, their losses or their wins. It makes sense that they would react in kind. They ‘don’t even like her’ and roll their eyes at her self-important perspective. They don’t find narcissism cool.

While I remain eternally hopeful for a healthy mum/daughter relationship one day, I respect their choice to not participate in anything to do with their sister. They deserve happiness.