“I’ll be more interested in her when she’s more interesting.”

My daughter’s biological father doesn’t carry the fathering gene. When she was an infant, he would sit her on his knee and watch Law & Order. He refused to change his behaviour to make it more kid appropriate. Ironically, in her 54 page farewell email, she wrote about her Gram doing this. Her Gram who loved her with every fiber of her being. It’s just one of the hundreds of pieces of not-quite-factual statements she made in that missive.

As a new mum, I was so cautious about her health that I fed her things like tofu and broccoli. I’d lay down and nap with her so she could play with my hair (her favourite self-soothing habit). I watched Shrek a hundred times and listened to Silly Songs in the car, which she loved to bop along to. After we split, Bio Father would take her to McDonald’s and listen to Kid Rock. He’d laugh when she would try to sing along, her little two year old mind struggling with ‘my only words of wisdom are just suck my dick’. Look up the lyrics to Cowboy Baby and see why I would lose my mind when he did these things he found so very entertaining.

Throughout the years this warped sense of humour has continued. He would talk about the MILFs at her Montessori school and was somewhat obsessed with her Casa teacher and the mother of one of her classmates. He would consider any woman, married or not, fodder for his continuous misogynistic commentary. As my daughter got older, it started to include her friends. It seemed that many of her school friends ‘wanted’ him. We’re taking grade 9. When she went off to university, he would make it known that he intended to bed a few of her dorm mates. These bulletins were so frequent, everyone just rolled their eyes and shuffled in discomfort when the came out of his mouth.

Her entire life I did all the gift shopping. Christmas, birthday, graduation…all of it. Sometimes he’d kick in, sometimes not, but I always gave him credit, signed his name. How she felt was the most important thing to me. She didn’t need to know how disinterested he was. How lazy. He didn’t spend a second with her except when he was called upon or when he had legally scheduled visits. She seems to forget how little time she spent with him.

When we were still married, I remember crying asking her bio dad why he wasn’t interested in her. His reply? “I’ll be more interested in her when she’s more interesting.” That was the beginning of the end of the marriage.

I guess he finds her more interesting now.